Who here loves rejection?! Anyone… Anyone? No one? Thought not.
Rejection can feel like the worst thing ever. It has a way of bring out really nasty feelings of guilt, shame, doubt, unworthiness, and fear from within, gnawing at confidence and eroding self-worth.
But here’s why rejection is really an EXCELLENT thing: it helps clue you in to your real audience, whether friends, significant others, colleagues, or customers.
First of all recognize that rejection is NOT ABOUT YOU as a person, but rather about what is being offered. Who you are as a spirit – as a body which is living and who experiences emotions and has family and friends, the dreamer – that person remains worthy and valuable. However the physical product, outcome, or output is being declined.
When emotions are involved this is definitely easier said than done, but stay with me a moment.
When you go to the mall, do you buy everything in the place? Nope. When you walk by those center kiosks and they have the next best hair straightener or an amazing cellphone protector, how often do you really buy what the sales professionals are pitching? Most of the time you keep walking. And why do you walk past? Because you don’t have a need for what they are selling. Perhaps you might someday, but until that happens, the moment they offer their product to you, you’ll walk on by. Why? What they are offering in that moment is a mismatch with your needs and desires. Yet they’re still in business and are successful and they are still selling stuff.
This is the same for people. Have you ever interviewed someone for a job who was a nice person but just wasn’t the right fit for the job? Or, if you hear a song on the radio, though it might be catchy, it’s definitely not for you? If someone is not in the mood for a relationship you won’t be able to convince them otherwise even if you are the absolute best. These examples illustrate when desires and values are not lining up, which is the same as “rejection”. Simple as that.
Rejection is not about rejecting you, it’s about what is being offered in that moment.
If you were a sales-person you would move on to the next potential customer no-prob. The really cool thing about rejection is that it is an opportunity to check your positioning, approach, and messaging – are you effectively communicating why your product/affection/work-ethic is the bomb?
Don’t get me wrong there are definite black-and-white “no” scenarios; always be respectful. But if you keep hearing “no” for the same reasons, it’s a telltale sign that you might need to tweak your presentation or maybe you’re fishing in the wrong pond and need to find another one where everyone thinks you are amazeballs.
Becoming “rejection-proof” is about learning how to communicate with others what you have to offer, to communicate it well, to the right people, and understanding “NO” is not about you but what is being offered.
Try asking others around you why they said “YES!” Listen for commonalities and start incorporating those themes in to your conversations and activities. This also will clue you in to how people associate you within the bigger context of the world and might be good insight in to developing your career or reputation.
Remember you are amazing and there are many, many people that will find what you have to offer highly valuable; your job is to keep your eyes and ears open and be confident in who you are. The rest will fall in to place.